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How does But play a part in our lives?


If your mind is anything like mine sometimes a week after a conversation takes place it begins to digest the content of what it had eaten. I had a very close friend visiting London, a friend I see once a year or even less than than. And yet it only takes 15 minutes to cut to the chase and hit the heart of a matter. If you could only be a fly on the wall and listen to our conversations..

What I realised in that moment was that in the space of 18months I hadn’t seen him he had come a long way in experiencing how resistance manifests in his life through use of language, and had discovered a great practical way of releasing the energy of that resistance.

We were talking about ‘change’ and the stories we create in our minds, mainly by reminiscing or clinging to the past or predicting some disaster that will come about as a result of this change. I’m as guilty as one can be of the above. What a deep trap I fall into day after day. There is still so much I need to learn and I need to relax into the flow of life.

However what my friend shared was interesting. We were talking about NLP ( neurolinguistic programming), the use of words, and the energy behind words. It only then occurred to me how much resistance, clinging and desire are carried in the the word ‘But’…Try it in sentences and see how it goes…

“I love the dinner but it could have a bit more spice in it”
“I’ll come on holiday with you but I need to work a little everyday”
“I love mum but I wish she were more understanding”

The structure is pretty much the same- Here is something in front of me in the moment but it could be better than and different to what it is in the moment i.e. a little more, a little less, definitely different…I want it to be different to what it is in the moment!

What my friend has been doing is working on that resistance to what is apparent in this moment and replacing ‘but’ with ‘and’…All of a sudden everything softens because there is the acceptance of what is, AND there is openness to what may be:

“I love the dinner and it could have a bit more spice in it”
“I’ll come on holiday with you and I need to do work a little everyday”
“I love mum and she could be a bit more understanding”

Well, I know that a concept/theory is nothing until it’s experienced and it’s truth is realised…So I have decided to put this to practice and see what happens.


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