rss search

next page next page close Blunt the sharpness Untangle the knot Soften the glare Merge with dust - Tao Te Ching"
next page next page close

Why do I keep coming back here?

I read a few blogs on a regular basis; some I find informative and useful in the fields of science and yoga, some simply make me laugh, some for the layout (these are more photography based) and some to support friends and loved ones.

I often wonder why we blog though, what is it that we feel important to share or how it feeds us. Personally, I have no idea who reads mine, but I like the possibility of reaching many people at once, I like possibility of opening a fraction of my world and say “look”, I like the possibility of stirring something in their being, and all other possibilities.

This morning as I clicked on one of my favourite blogs I hadn’t visited for a while and realised that the writer was saying goodbye in order to take some time out from blogging. I felt my heart sink simply because I did enjoy reading his posts as he was well travelled, wise, had a certain charm and humour about him. I could see that he has been reading books instead and enjoying his time out but I still encouraged him to return time to time.

So I guess as well as the element of writing and sharing, there is also the reader and what they may perceive, or in my case feel the absence of. I just wanted to acknowledge the whole energetic chain today, not just seeing myself writing in front of my computer but the images of you sitting somewhere just as cosy and reading this.

Have a wonderful Sunday…


next page next page close

Watching Life Grow

This life has paws, soft fur, a wet nose

This life hasn’t found its way on all fours yet

This life swims, rolls around, squeaks

This life spends the whole day feeding

This life is supported and protected by its mother

This life is curious of what’s around and trusting

This life is growing so fast and yet so delicate

This life mistakes my nose to a giant nipple

This life is breathing…and beautiful…


next page next page close

I am 82 years old

“I am 82” he said as he slowly shuffled on his feet, slightly bent forwards but with a cheeky smile. “And my wife is 86 years old but she’s not here”. I watched him move over the room as he carried his belongings to his bed to pack his bags to be discharged from the hospital. He took perhaps 40 steps to cover the distance I could walk in 5 steps. He didn’t have much hair left, his voice was dense but loud perhaps from difficulty on hearing he felt that he needed to speak louder to be heard. Then I wondered “what has this body lived through, was did this soul experience in the 82 years he refers to?”

I’m in a hospital in Belgium accompanying my loved one. As his body is in its youth, strong and vital state he’s recovering really well. The ward he’s on seems to have a lot of older people coming in and out. As I had time to be silent for hours and simply observe I got to watch them, also in silence, moving very slowly, sometimes sitting and staring out of the window listening to their inner voice that I wish I could listen to. And yet I wonder if we are ever alone?

As there is a deep sense of gratitude for my health and wellbeing, I also feel very much detached from this body. Here in front of my eyes is an example of how it will not last, how those around me will not be there forever either. Loneliness settles and all there is present is whoever reaches out to help or listen.

Sometimes it feels that this is the longing I have, to comfort those who are old and sick, or dying. Not to say much, not to give or take anything away, but to be in that space of simply holding their gaze and hand. Then a gentle smile might break or a tear fall.

When I look back on these few days and what I observe I’ll remember these men, and the goose with broken wings in the garden. Also fragile, a little of out place but going about its day amongst other geese and pigeons, fighting for the same piece of bread that the visitors had thrown in their direction.


Then the energy and voice of Guruji filled me yesterday when the lovely 82 year old man waved goodbye as he left the ward. Not only Guruji as in Patthabi Jois but all saints and gurus who live to 100 and beyond, also in decaying bodies but with subtler qualities, healthier and mobile within their abilities. It was a good reminder to look after this body and this mind, and be ready to let it go as we all live in form and through form.


next page next page close

Spam Away

How much spam is present in your life?


When I pay attention to it I notice how much of it surrounds me. I guess we are bombarded all the time with newspapers, constant head noise, visual cramming… It’s everywhere we look, see and notice. Even though I try not to be extremely rude to the person on the other side of the phone I do lose it when I get yet another call to sell me double glazing or household goods. Talk about random marketing? What makes you think I even do any housework?

I had a friend who once said that when you get an unwanted call from a call centre all you do is leave the phone on, maybe in the next room, because the call centres can’t hang up on you. I don’t know if this is tested or just made up, I don’t even know why one would do that. You may as well ask them to take you off their register.

My favourite are the call centres in India, whenever I get a call from them I get to ask about where they are in India, what the weather is like, what their lifestyle is like and talk about my travels….Worse are the ones who lie to you. I had a call from someone who allegedly worked for Vodafone. She was asking me if I had received a phone from Vodafone in the last 12 months. To me it was obvious that she would have a record of that, so when I questioned her on it the line went dead.

Anyway, you’d be amazed how much spam I receive for these blogs too. First I thought people were genuinely interested or reading the blogs, but soon I discovered that the comments were irrelevant and often referred me to their websites selling random goods!

Here are some of the comments you don’t get to see on my page:

  • “I seriously enjoy what you post right here. Extremely insightful and intelligent. One concern though. I’m running Firefox with Debian and parts of your current page layout pieces are a little wonky. I realize it’s not a normal set up. But it’s something to hold in the mind. I wish that it will probably help and keep the finest quality writing.” – from a Polish site that I don’t understand what they do
  • “I fully agree with author opinion.” – from RedTube
  • “Nice commentary. last thirty days I uncovered this internet internet site and desired to permit you be conscious that i’ve been gratified, heading via your site’s posts. I should certainly be signing equally as much as the RSS feed and can wait around for another post. Cheers, Glen” – from Treatment for Psoriasis
  • “gucci handbag” – from…well you guessed a website selling fake Gucci handbag!
  • “You are the guy. Simply the best!” – from iPad Cover selling website

Do you think they’re helping my Google ranking?


next page next page close

Home away from Home

Years ago whenever I travelled I had the notion that I was looking for a home, where to live, where to be, where to find everything I was looking for (whatever that meant). This notion disappeared in 2007 when I found home within my home, that was me wherever I went. That realisation took the anxiety of returning to London, and it also took away the hyperactivity I used to feel whenever I left the country. All of it felt ok. Maybe it’s something that comes with age, who knows?

Right now I feel very much at home in Vancouver. Rather than seeing one tourist attraction after another I’m enjoying a rainy day alone. I went for a yoga class, then walked 30min to a very cosy cafe, sitting by the window watching the rain spray down, cars passing by, people popping into the DIY store opposite, whilst a number of tables are occupied by some softly spoken people, and some just sitting and reading the Sunday paper.

I let go of the “home” concept long time ago. Yesterday was spent with a yoga teacher friend of mine who is relocating to Sweden due to her husband’s work. They had relocated to Vancouver from London 5 years ago. And yet in our conversation all I felt was ease, freedom, and excitement in her tone. She felt home wherever they moved, enjoyed starting new, being anonymous in a city and slowly building roots again. She took her yoga teaching wherever she went with the experience of running two very successful Ashtanga studios in both cities already.

Another example is my dear friends I’m visiting here who moved from Istanbul 6months ago to live here. It has had it’s ups and downs but with a very supportive relationship and positive attitude they’ve started to create a beautiful life for themselves. 

So I guess I feel like a turtle at the moment, home is wherever I go and the most important thing is the love and support around me. Especially now that I’m in a beautiful relationship I’m just excited to get on the road and move somewhere…when the time comes…


next page next page close

The Real Retreat Begins

Couple of weeks ago I shared a welcoming letter from Adyashanti as I headed to California for a week long retreat with him. It has been an intense, insightful, moving and energising week indeed. In the simplicity of his teachings he passes on the Truth that is ever present, ever available, ever infinite. What moved me a lot was receiving his closing letter to the retreat which I would like to share with you:

Dear Friend

The end of the retreat is when the real retreat begins. When you go back into your ordinary life of work, family, and friends, this is where true spirituality begins. This is where the spiritual rubber hits the road. Whatever you may have realised about the truth of your own being will be called forth in life, in relationship, and in the way that you move through the world of time and space.

So in leaving retreat, we are not actually leaving anything. In truth, there is no beginning of retreat and ending of retreat; there is simply our lives as it is. There is simply the truth of our being as it is, at all times, and in all situations.

When formal retreat ends, informal retreat (the retreat of your life) begins. This is the sacred opportunity to allow whatever you may have realised about your the truth of your being to express itself in your life, in your relationships and the way you move through the world. In the retest called “this world, this daily life”, the sacred opportunity is to tell the truth- to tell the truth to yourself about the truth of your being, to live from the truth of your being, to speak from the truth of your being in all situations and at all times, and to communicate from the heart of love, and compassion and truth. These are the opportunities and the challenges of living realisation, of spirituality that’s not confined to the cushion, or the retreat, or to satsang. This is a living spirituality that bursts forth into life and living, and tranforms the way that we actually live our life and relate to each other.

Remember that whatever is realised is rally meant to be lived in this life and not just to remain private commodity of your inner experience. To allow the inner to become the outer is the call of real spirituality.

So please remember as you go back into your daily life not to hold onto anything. Make no effort to hold on to an insight, or an experience, or a feeling, but simply let go and realise what is always present. Because in truth, the truth of our being is present at home, at work, and on retreat. The true truth is always ever-present and eternal. This is what true spiritual work uncovers.

I welcome you into the ever-continuing retreat called this life. May all beings benefit from your sincerity.

Adyashanti


next page next page close

The Ocean

Having left heathrow in a bit of an emotional turmoil, I had the 10 hour flight to USA to come to understanding that I have been doing this all wrong. Observing, analysing and gardening of emotions. 

Initially watching 3 movies (one very soppy Bollywood movie as I simply cried my eyes out for 2 hours) I felt that enough distraction and numbing of the brain had happened. It felt like taking a break before the next round of digging deep. But before then I decided to read a few passages from Adyashanti’s book.

As I continued turning the pages I realised that my approach to awareness had it’s blindness. It’s a bit like the Budha story where you get 5 people to describe an elephant, but one has the leg, one has the trunk, one has the tail. So each of those think that the entirety of the elephant is the part they’re holding. I guess with my realisation I just moved from the trunk to the tail. I can feel that there’s a bigger part to it but I haven’t quite experienced it all to say I can actually see the whole elephant.

One of the chapters I was reading in Adya’s book highlighted where my personal enquiries were misleading. In my meditations I had been observing emotions, reactions and behaviour, following them to previous memories, reasons etc. As a way of weeding my garden. Whilst sometimes I found interesting insights what I notice now is that I was only weeding superficially. One approach I hadn’t used was the question ‘who is feeling this?, who is experiencing this? What is my ultimate true nature?”

It’s a little bit like when an ocean can have small and calm waves, or big and choppy waves. And the separation happens when a choppy wave looks at the calm one and thinks “well you’re different to me, there’s something not right with you” and yet both the waves never question “what is this that we’re all made of?” to realise that they are the ocean. Understanding the difference or what causes the difference can bring about more separation if the unity isn’t understood.

So this is what I found that I hadn’t been doing in my meditations, focusing on the embodiment of the connection that sees beyond all separation. It’s something I will meditate on for the next few months and see how the elephant’s tail feels.


next pagenext page
"Blunt the sharpness Untangle the knot Soften the glare Merge with dust - Tao Te Ching"
article post

Why do I keep coming back here?

I read a few blogs on a regular basis; some I find informative and useful in the fields...
article post

Watching Life Grow

This life has paws, soft fur, a wet nose This life hasn’t found its way on all...
article post

I am 82 years old

“I am 82” he said as he slowly shuffled on his feet, slightly bent forwards but with...
article post

Spam Away

How much spam is present in your life? When I pay attention to it I notice how much of...
article post

Home away from Home

Years ago whenever I travelled I had the notion that I was looking for a home, where to...
article post

The Real Retreat Begins

Couple of weeks ago I shared a welcoming letter from Adyashanti as I headed to California...
article post

The Ocean

Having left heathrow in a bit of an emotional turmoil, I had the 10 hour flight to USA to...
article post